lets tell English jokes!

[7raha7]

hi every body!!! welcome to this topic[esteghbal]... a topic for funny!!! [cheshmak]that's it... stay with me and help me to make a topic full of jokes... your jokes! u can translate them from Persian in to English... well right now... i wanna use their own jokes... i mean English jokes... then... i know... we will find Persian jokes more interesting!!!!![nishkhand]

[7raha7]

- why was father millipede upset?
- because all his children needed new shoes!


millipede:هزارپا

now i think this way (i mean telling stories and jokes ) is better to learn more new words... agree???

[7raha7]

what's worse than finding a maggot in your apple?
- half a maggot!

maggot::کرم... حشره...
اییییییییییش... چندش!

[7raha7]

how do u tell a worm's head from his tail?
tickle it in the middle and see which end smiles!

tickel: قلقلک دادن
....

[7raha7]

what is yellow and scaly with 100 slimy tentacles and evil_looking eyes
?
-i dont know...
-i dont know either...but there is one on your head!

scally: کثیف
tentacles: شاخک حساس

[7raha7]

ok... no idea... no opinion...

maria: dad... would u punish me for some thing i hadn"t done"
dad: of course not maria!
maria: goooooooood... because i haven''t done the dishes!

[7raha7]

teenager: dad...do u believe in free speech?
dad: of course ... kelvin.
teenager: great! i'll use the telephone then.

[7raha7]

the mother had put her little boy to bed. and thought he had fallen asleep. when he came downstairs and asked "can i have a glass of water?" the mother gave him a glass. and off he went to bed. however a few minutes later he was back, asking for more water. the wondered how he could be so thirsty. but gave the water to him anyway. a minute later the kid was back. "can i have another glass of water? " he asked. " whats wrong with u?" exclaimed his mother. " thats the third glass of water tonight! how come you r so thirsty? " oh... " said the litle boy. " the water is not for me. the roof is on fire! "

[7raha7]

-ourcat's gone missing.
-why dont u place an advert in the paper?
-dont be stupid... tiddles cant read!

[انریکه]

PUPIL: "Would you punish me for something I didn`t do?"
TEACHER:" Of course not."
PUPIL: "Good, because I haven`t done my homework."




A teacher asked a student to write 55.
Student asked: How?
Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5!
The student wrote 5 and stopped.
teacher: What are you waiting for?
student: I don't know which side to write the other 5!




Son: Dad, what is an idiot?
Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me?
Son: No.





Man: I could go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?

Man: I offer you myself.
Woman: I am sorry I never accept cheap gifts.

Man: I want to share everything with you.
Woman: Let's start from your bank account.




Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it.






"You look very funny wearing that belt."
"I would look even funnier if I didn't wear it."





"I was born in California."
"Which part?"
"All of me."





The teacher to a student: Conjugate the verb "to walk" in simple present.
The student: I walk. You walk ....
The teacher intruptes him: Quicker please.
The student: I run. You run ...

[صاصائیل]

what is yellow and scaly with 100 slimy tentacles and evil_looking eyes

?
-i dont know...
-i dont know either...but there is one on your head!

scally: کثیف
tentacles: شاخک حساس
خیلی با مزه بود[khande]